summer_2011_newsletter_masthead.gif
CARNIVAL SECRETS
CAPTURED ON FILM!
octopus_left.jpg
Carnival historians recently unearthed a short film created by impresario Alphonse Zukor (of Animerotics fame) before he joined the Carnival.  It is now believed that his unauthorized visit inspired him to seek regular employment within Carnival walls.  Fortunately, for him, the footage was not discovered until now.  (The consequences would surely have been dire.)  Showing the original film would be a violation of strict Carnival policies (which have never permitted cameras.) But, with the aid of painter David Delamare, we have faithfully recreated the content here.
bad_monkey.gif
MONKEY MISHAPS YIELD BENEFITS
BAD MONKEY BEHAVIOR RESULTS IN EXTRAORDINARY PRICING!
While we've long taken pride in the fact that Carnival printing is accomplished exclusively by primates, working with monkeys can be challenging.  Inventory counts, for instance, have never been reliable—decimal points being regarded solely as decorative.

But such issues, frankly, seem trifling in light of problems encountered during our recent office move.  It seems that while attempting to combine stock from two separate locations, several monkey staff members managed to box themselves into the shipping room where they subsisted for a three day weekend on styrofoam packing peanuts. 

Though they finally escaped—when they ran out of snacks—they developed a taste for the treat, which they now
describe as “surprisingly filling,” and have since taken to pilfering packing materials before retreating to the highest stacks of boxes.  There they delight in pelting each other with newsprint wads while shrieking and noisily snacking on foam. 

Monkey unions and primate revenge plots being what they are, firing the miscreants is not an option.  Nevertheless, this behavior must stop.  So, in a desperate attempt to shorten both the number of digits in our inventory counts and the height of our box stacks, we have reduced pricing on twenty of our David Delamare posters.  We are also offering unprecedented low pricing on a number of original paintings which may be viewed here.
OCTOPUS CAUGHT IN ARMS OF MERMAID
WHAT WOULD FREUD SAY?

Ours is a tolerant publication and we would not stoop to question this or any other private friendship.  What happens in the Carnival stays in the Carnival.  But that won’t stop us from publishing pictures.  How else can a newspaper pay the rent?  This and a growing list of souvenir views from our Carnival halls are now available as stunning artist-signed giclée prints.
bunnycake_framed_text.gif
rabbits_sepia.jpg
AT THE MERCY OF THE BINKY
WHO ARE THESE
WHISPERING RABBITS?
A RABBIT CONFESSES HIS WEAKNESS
It was a lonely windswept night when we found him, wedged between the iron rungs of the Carnival gate.  Wet bedraggled and road-weary, he had traveled untold miles to become an honorary member of the Order of Whispering Rabbits.

He had attempted an illicit entry and, too determined to reverse his path, had become hopelessly entrapped.  But after securing a promise that we’d grant him admittance, he wriggled his way out and silently limped into the courtyard.

It pained us to inform the desperate fellow that Carnival rabbits are hopelessly snobbish concerning outsiders (especially of the dwarf variety) and that honorary members are not rabbits at all.  They are, rather, a secret society of human art collectors.

Crestfallen, he cowered, shivering, in the corner before timidly venturing whether we might offer him employment.  He was not able, he explained to operate an adding machine (his paws being too large for the keys) but he had, in his years as a clerk, mastered the art of the abacus.

When we mused absent-mindedly that our books were in a shocking state (no thanks to the monkeys) his teeth began to chatter, and his head to twitch uncontrollably.  Then, without warning, he sprang straight upward, executing a
stunning double airborne pirouette.

This irrepressible outburst was clearly a source of personal humiliation and he turned to leave.  But before reaching the gate he collapsed in sobs and confessed, unable to face us, that he had never been able to hold a desk job, being entirely at the mercy of “the binky” (the irresistible rabbit urge to leap for joy.)

He had no background as a clerk or, for that matter, anything else.  He was, a mere stripling—an eight-week-old lion-head rabbit who had been reduced in these hard times to posing for what in the vernacular of the street are known as “bunnycake” shots.  This he whispered in particular shame as he rose to leave.  

“Stop,” we cried in unison.  His history was of no concern, we exclaimed.  Such  enthusiasm was invaluable.  Would he, could he, possibly consider accepting a role as mascot of the Order?  He turned in disbelief and sat upright for the first time.  “I might,” he intoned, with calculated gravity, “if you agree to address me as Rupert Quincy and never coo at my appearance or call me “bunny.”  As we nodded assent, he leapt in a triple turn.  Delighted, we bit our tongues and saluted.

P.S.  To support Rupert in his role as OWR mascot, please join his newly created Facebook fan page.
When Rupert Quincy begged to become an honorary member of the Order of Whispering Rabbits, we realized that the secret society had been exposed.  For the record:  the OWR is an ancient and venerable society of rabbits that predates the Carnival.  Honorary members are a society of patrons who have supported the Carnival by purchasing original Delamare artwork directly from the artist.  Honorary members enjoy exclusive discounts and privileges.   The image above is of actual rabbits of the Order.  Honorary members need not be descended from rabbits, nor must they wear rabbit masks.  Note:  Carnival rabbits would never have allowed Rupert Quincy, a known bunnycake poser, into their hallowed ranks, but honorary members (who are far kinder) have welcomed him.
DELAMARE
ODDITIES
Exposed!
The line between creativity and madness is a fine one.  Unconvinced?  Witness the photographs of David Delamare’s studio recently leaked on Facebook.  When pressed to explain how an antique taxidermy whippet consuming the remains of a chicken could possibly inspire art, the eccentric Delamare refused comment.
newsletter_small_right_poin.gif
newsletter_small_left_point.gif
newsletter_right_pointing_h.gif
MORE ENTERTAINMENTS ON PAGE TWO

EXCLUSIVE SPECIAL

BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO KINDLY ALLOWED US TO TRESPASS IN YOUR INBOX,
PLEASE ACCEPT OUR HUMBLE APOLOGIES FOR THE INTRUSION AND ACCEPT
20% OFF ANY PAPER GICLÉE PRINTS AT WWW.DAVIDDELAMARE.COM
SIMPLY TYPE THE WORD APOLOGY IN THE CUSTOMER CODE BOX UPON CHECKOUT.
THIS OFFER EXPIRES AUGUST 31st, 2011
 
ACT NOW FOR BEST SAVINGS.  SINCERELY, CARNIVAL MANAGEMENT